My budding relationship with Lucille

Today: 312 miles.

Of the many things I have begun to learn this summer, one of my lessons has been on the anxiety of driving. I spend a lot of time in the car as I go from county to county; I'm trying to not also spend the majority of that time feeling aggravated.

Driving has caused me anxiety from a young age. I used to have nightmares about sitting in the front seat of our family minivan in the neighbor's steep driveway at my grandparents' house, which rolls straight into the lake. In the dream, I would struggle with the steering wheel, not knowing what to do, as the car plummeted toward the pond.

Or, [in real life] on the way to our annual family vacations at the beach, I would always want to ride in the car with my cousin Lois, and I would always get exceptionally worried if I thought Lois was lost. "Are we lost? Are we lost yet? Do you know where you're going?"

This dream symbolism seems so obvious - driving = control, and I obviously longed for security (my grandparents' home) but felt out of control (ie the car out of control) at the times when I was having those dreams. Once I learned how to drive, my anxiety eased up and at least the nightmares went away.

But Driving isn't just about driving - it's so much more on a metaphorical level. Like David Wilcox says on his album Live Songs and Stories,

I'm tryin' to find my way to some club, and somebody will have told me, "oh, you just drive straight on such-and-such, and you see the..." y'know, something ridiculous: "you see the HUGE BLUE POODLE, and then you CAN'T MISS IT... and then you turn right and..."

...and I'm thinkin' to myself: "now, I've been driving now, and driving and driving... and I have only one landmark to go by. What if I... missed it?" And you know they said you can't miss it (which is the kiss of death) so what if I'm just driving into oblivion, and I'll just drive for the rest of my life, you know?

And the reason why it bugs me... Y'know, it's no big deal -- I can make it to the club, I can skip the sound check. I'll find it, eventually.

It's only bad directions.

It bugs me on a metaphorical level, because it's just too much like life.

Y'know, like as a kid when you're asking people "well how do you know... when it's true love?"

What do they always say?

"Oh, you'll know, you'll know."

Well, y'know, that's like saying "you can't miss it." It's the KISS OF DEATH, y'know...

...you just imagine you're 96 years old: "No, I'm holding out for the big blue poodle... They said it was on the road here, 'I can't miss it...'"

Bad directions are just one metaphorical conundrum... getting lost is a whole other issue. Today, I knew where I was, where I needed to be, how to get there - heck, I'd even driven that specific route several times, because I was going from my childhood home to my first county from my first summer on staff! The problem was not that I had bad directions; the problem was that I had everything mapped out, had all the signs before me, and I still messed it up.

It's only getting turned around.

No big deal - I'll just turn around, be a little later than I expected, and things will be fine. I'll still get to the center before dark, I'm still in familiar territory, and it's not like anyone is really depending on me to be anywhere at a specific time, just as long as I get to the center before 11 pm curfew.

But on a metaphorical level!!! I had it all mapped out before me, I knew which signs to look for, and I missed the signs. I was distracted by the audiobook I was listening to (Three Cups of Tea, which is fantastic!!!), the incredible beauty of the easternmost mountains in Virginia in the Russell and Tazewell County area, and I was overconfident from the excitement of returning to my familiar territory. Even with the best of preparation and best of intent, I still messed it up because I was operating with the assumption that my fading memories of those road patterns exempted me from actual guidance. With a little more direction everything turned out just fine - don't get me wrong - but in the moment it sure was aggravating.

Here's another problem, too. I believe firmly in the grace of second chances. I suppose you could call it a cowardly confidence, but I believe that if God has ordained that some specific event or lesson must happen in life, if I miss the opportunity the first time then it will probably come by again at some later point. The lesson still needs to be learned, the event still needs to happen... I just missed it the first time. No biggie! In my theology of second chances, this also allows me to explore new places and new paths once I realized that I missed something else. It's also a free excuse to just step back and watch from the sidelines the first go round, even though I may really feel like I ought to be doing or saying something about this particular situation.

My second chance theology is a lot more glamorous than a manifest metaphor. I mean, once I looked at the map and realized I was in Lebanon, VA, instead of Grundy, VA, I could have taken some roads less travelled, climbed every mountain, and found a whole new world. I would have gotten to the destination, but probably at a greater cost, since the longer I was on the road the less attention and focus I had. You would think that I would have rejoiced at this opportunity for growth and adventure, but instead I was just frustrated at myself for tacking on an extra 46 miles and having to turn around.

By the time I finally got to my evening's destination, I realized that I could relieve my anxiety if I could separate real anxiety (road hazards) from metaphorical ones (need/desire to be in control), and simply be thankful for the safety that has accompanied me on every journey.

The Past 13 Days: Part 2 and 3 - Letcher County and Black Mountain

I'm on a roll with posts - I might as well catch up before I get on the road again tomorrow. To recap: This past week has been "Set-up week", where staffers have left the Porch and gone to their respective counties. Set-up week can be a strange transition, going from 112 really loud friends to 4 or 5 strangers that you will live with for the rest of the summer...

If I were a normal staffer, then Set-Up week would look something like this:

• Sort and review all the applications for home repair; visit homes.
  
  When I was a CD in Claiborne, I had about 200 applications, chose 100 of them as viable possibilities, visited about 60 of them (in 5 days), and ultimately chose 15 of them to work on. You spend a lot of time getting to know the county, getting lost on the county roads, and meeting lots of interesting personalities. It can be overwhelming to see the need in a given county, and even more overwhelming when you realize that most if it you can't do anything about. Saying "no" to a family is rough - most of them are gracious, but some of them resent you, some of them yell at you over the phone, or some of them will even call you two to three times daily for the first few weeks demanding to know why you won't work for them. BUT. Hope exists once you can make it past set-up week, because then you can focus on what you CAN do, instead of the many things that you're incapable of doing.
  
  
• Get your center ready.
  
  I've had a variety of centers, from the luxurious to the pitiable (in ASP terms, mind you). Some people spend most of set-up week scrubbing their center, cleaning it of the mold, dust, and guano that may have accumulated since the building was last used. Other staffers have gorgeous centers that merely need lots of signs to show the volunteers where to go. Some staffers have to build showers (Letcher '07), others have to extend them to make them "adult size" (Buchanan '06), while others merely have to empty them of all the storage because the showers have never been used before (Claiborne '08).
  
  Some staffs have the benefit of living in their center all week as they prepare for the volunteers. Other staffs aren't able to move into their center until Saturday (24 hours before the volunteers come!!!!) because school is still in session.
  
  
• Get to know the staff.
  
  Set-up week can be like the "honeymoon" phase of the summer - it's just you, your staff... no projects (except hypothetically), no volunteers. In my past summers, my staffs and I have cooked family dinners for each other, or gone out to dinner with other staffs. When we first arrived in Buchanan County, all we did was play "Guess Who" for about four hours. We were a little more mischievous in later summers, playing pranks on each other with giant clowns that we found in storage at our center.
  
  
• Deal with crazy stuff.
  
  Scenarios include: No phone or internet service during that initial week because the phone carrier got confused. The accelerator cable on your van gets stuck, and you and your first year find yourselves stranded on the side of the road, only to be rescued by a cute bald mountain man whose English is only barely intelligible. Deal with some resident who keeps calling you claiming that she's "#4" on some list that ASP has so you have to work on her house this summer or she's going to call the Mayor on you...? While crawling under a house during an initial home visit, you hear the homeowner's son say, "Shoot, I ain't that brave, with all those copperheads down there!!" Come home to your temporary residence to find a six-year-old standing in your living room claiming, "I got hit by a car!!" (The real story - we were staying at this kid's grandmother's house, and he unlocked our quarters because he wanted to watch TV. He was hit by a car, several months prior to us being there.)
  
  I have lived all those things.

BUT. I'm a support staffer this summer, which means that my Set-Up week has looked more like a vacation than anything else. I went to Letcher County, KY, to see my friend William who has an internship with Appalshop this summer, and to also see some of the families that I worked for two years ago. William is a fellow Carolina graduate, and was also on staff with me in '06 and '08.

I had a blast with William in Whitesburg; we went hiking with his fellow interns to Bad Branch Falls. I also got to be a guest DJ on WMMT's World Beat radio show, on Monday nights from 10 pm to 1 am.

William ponders rocksBad Branch Falls

Admiring the view from Pine Mountain

Guest DJ at WMMT!

When we were in Letcher, you couldn't drink the water at our center because our building didn't have any kind of filter system. The particulate iron and sulfate turned our clothes red and smelled bad, and couldn't be used for cooking and probably shouldn't have been used for bathing. Many of our families couldn't drink the water near their homes because the blasts from the mining had upset the bedrock and the water tables, so that the water was now filled with silt and other pollutants. Well, now you can't drink the water in Whitesburg either, because Don Childers of Childers' Oil buried mostly-empty fuel tanks near the river bed and they rusted through, contaminating the water. The contamination made its way all the way to the southern part of the county, into the Blackey Reservoir System. Schools were closed for a week because of the danger to public health.

Way to be, Don Childers... hope that oil money helps you sleep well at night.

But on a happier note...

I also got to drive by our old center at Campbell's Branch and visit with a handful of the families we worked for, as well as some of our community contacts and our hardware store. I'm happy to report that everybody I visited is doing well, though many of them have had brushes with death in the past two years. The southern part of Letcher County seems to be doing well economically (relatively), and escaped the brunt of the flooding and icestorms that plagued counties further west.

For those of you familiar with the county:

• Campbell's Branch is now offering GED classes, dance classes, and is getting a grant to have an information center (ie, computers). They're starting a volunteer fire department in Hallie, and the gym is going to be turned into the Fire Station.
  
  
• Rowena and a friend opened a diner/mini-mart/dairy bar just down the road from the center; Joyce cooks there now. The food's good!!
  
  
• Danny Boggs and family bought the market right below the hardware store and have expanded some. They miss us (and our business), and are hopeful that we'll be back sometime in the future.
  
  
• A friend of ours who works in the mines injured his neck in the mine not too long ago. I'm going back to see that particular family later in July.
  
  
• Nannie had cataract surgery and doesn't need glasses anymore; her kids are doing well. Her son in particular really cleaned up and now lives in Louisville.
  
  
• Our local author had heart failure last April, but it just so happened that his heart failed while he was standing up. He fell on his back on an incline, and in his words, "The Lord just gave me some CPR. That fall knocked my heart back into beating!" His grandkids are still as adorable as ever - it's amazing how much a difference 2 years can make!!

It was great to be back in Letcher County and see everybody. At the end of my summer there, I remember writing home saying that if I could find a job that would sustain me, I would seriously consider moving to Blackey, Hallie, or Whitesburg. Letcher County is probably one of the most beautiful places I have served, and as fond as I am of my memories there, I don't know if I would ever cease to be an outsider.

Black Mountain

After several days in Whitesburg, and with the open road before me, I decided to swing by NC and stay with my beloved aunt and uncle for a few days in Black Mountain. It's been great to be here and see them. I haven't really done much but rest and walk around. I've visited both music stores in town and spent about an hour at the Song of the Wood, figuring out how to play the Appalachian Dulcimer (check that one off the list). I got to hang out with Lisa briefly, practice my autoharp skills, prepare some devotions for my upcoming week, and even fix a toilet!

I'll leave tomorrow and head over to Lotts Creek, my home base, and then head on to my first county for the summer: Wolfe County KY!!

The Past 13 Days: Part 1 (b) - The Rest of the Rest of Training

After the Epic Picnic, we had more training sessions (just go back and imagine more pictures of people sitting on the Porch). We had some fun times too, such as the Square Dance, Team Building Day, Hands-On Day, and the Talent Show.

The Square Dance



I look like a crazy person in this picture, but this move is actually called "Take a Little Peek" - one couple stands still while the other couple dance around outside and wave at each other.

So much fun!

Team Building Day

Now that the staffs know each other, we set aside a day to do some team building. You know... foster real-life skills that staffers will need to learn, such as communication, listening, and figuring out how to get everybody in alphabetical order (silently) on a 4x4x16, which is ACTUALLY a small bridge over a gorge of flaming-hot magma, conjured by two ninjas (see below).


A conglomeration of staffs prepare their cheer before preparing to tackle the Bridge Over Troubled Magma.Rumor had it that it was easier to keep your balance if you held your ears. Really, guys?Another team-building station plays blob-tag.

Hands-On Day

This day can be one of the most frustrating days for staffers. They've just spent many, many hours over many many days trying to cram into their tired brains everything they need to know about construction. They've just learned who they're going to be living, working, and playing with for the rest of the summer. Hands-On day is traditionally hot and sunny, and with that heat tempers can flare and people get frustrate. This is the day that staffers come to understand:

Thinking construction is VERY different than actually doing construction.

I got to be on the other end of this day - instead of doing the construction, I got to teach it! (As Becca said - ASP is probably one of few ministries where the Chaplain teaches construction and needs a good knife or multitool on a daily basis.) My session (co-taught with Joz) was cutting birdsmouths for rafters. (See http://www.builderbill-diy-help.com/roof-framing.html for more information).



The Chaplain Shot: Smiling Chaplain has perspective from above, gazing onto staffers who are actually doing the work.


Staffers hard at work. Here you can see the Poor Valley Lodge (lodging for staffers) in all its ASP glory.Buchanan County '09 Staff, hard at work!



Matty Fox and Kevin Pie (pronounced [pi-eh]), hardly working!

The Talent Show

ASP owns an autoharp, and I have it on loan for the summer!! Here, Mitch and I are performing "Flake" by Jack Johnson for the talent show.

I'm actually getting pretty good at the autoharp - I've been watching YouTube videos of Mother Maybelle and June Carter for instructional purposes. I've gotten several good ol' southern hymns down, but my goal by the end of the summer is to be able to play and sing "When You're Next To Me," by Mitch and Mickey of the mockumentary "A Mighty Wind" - http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v8NGYoyRR6U. I just need to find me a singing and guitar-playing partner... ;-)

Other Stuff
There were a few events that I didn't document with my camera, such as Load-Up Day (where a massive caravan leaves from the headquarters in Johnson City, loaded up with tools and the like, for a summer in the county). I also failed to capture Make Oreos Better (don't think too hard about this one).

But Finally, Commissioning

We had a commissioning service to send out the staffs to their counties with a blessing. Everybody gets dressed up and looks real nice. I tell you what, a lot of these folks clean up real nice, so we had to document how fine everybody looks before they leave for the summer. It's like the ASP version of prom, or something ridiculous like that.



The Fourth Years: These are all people who started on the Porch in '06 and have this summer as their fourth summer on staff. We started out about 60 of us in '06... now only about 9 remain.Claiborne County Staff of 2008!! Too bad Glorny wasn't here with us... ach, sadness. I'm so proud of my former staff: Lindsey and Bryant are CDs in Wolfe and Harlan, respectively, and Andrew is working with ASP's Tri-Cities program this summer in Johnson City. This is the first summer where I've had more than one person from my staff return to the Porch.
Buchanan County Staff of '06! Kirstin is now a PM (Program Manager), and I'm Chaplain. I really did NOT expect to keep returning to ASP in the capacity that I have, but this ministry keeps calling me back. There's nowhere else I'd rather be!

The Chaplains Looking Pious: Katie "KC and the Sunshine Van" Cole and "Tex" Evan Walker "Texas Ranger," causing trouble in all 25 counties of ASP-land.


And then the staffs left for their counties for set-up week, and the support staff went on vacation, and everybody lived happily ever after (for about 7 days)...

The Past 13 Days: Part 1 - The Rest of Training

So many things have happened since my last real update that I have decided to fill in the past 13 days through a series of posts. Here is part 1 of a 3 part series: TRAINING.

Thus far, you've seen some of the pictures of training on the Porch, which have basically been sitting and taking furious notes during training sessions. This moment that you are about to behold in still-frame form is the epic PICNIC REVEAL, in which the Center Directors reveal who their staffs are.

Special Note (to the people that are more interested in the pictures of ME and my doings): Since I took most of these pictures, there really aren't any of me. However, I experienced various iterations of The Picnic throughout my three years on staff, so you can just imagine me in the photos.

Here is how The Picnic unfolded:

First we gathered at the park and just had fun, playing frisbee and socializing and such. (Notice GORGEOUS view, by the way).

Then, we got in a big circle to sing some songs and eat some food.

These are the Center Directors. They have known now for a full 24 hours who their staffs are, and have been playing mind-games with other staffers by saying, "Hey so-and-so, are you excited to be in my county? BECAUSE YOU ARE." These are the 25 people responsible for the antics that will ensue.

The race begins! Staffers were informed to bring something "patriotic," so Jill here decided to go all out and lead the charge with the American Flag as she ran through the CD-tunnel.
Staffers run down the hill with all their speed, and take a knee to hear what's up at the next station:

Krecji, Zack Hobbs, Blair, Laurel, Jane, and Tobel give the command: A Staffer and a partner must fill a dixie cup - balanced on their forehead - with water, using only a straw...

Upon completion, staffers run at full speed to the next station, where Lynn and Big Dave teach them some sweet dance moves:

They keep running.

Greeted by more former staffers, they must now find a plate covered in whipped cream with their name on it. Without using their hands, they must discover the number written at the bottom of the plate, and memorize this number.

These people will be watching.
If you cheat, then you have to do wobbly-broom with a baseball bat, and run a lap.

If you somehow cheat AGAIN, then this guy is gonna get you with a t-shirt launcher.

Ok - all staffers have now learned their number. They now sit and listen for an NBA-style ASP draft, led by Bontregger and accompanied by Mikey K. At this point, the mass of staff is divided into their PM (Program Manager) groups, narrowing down the people and places where they're likely to be on staff.

After meeting their PMs, the staff groups must reenact the PM's favorite movie... I think this here is supposed to be Dodgeball.

So then some more stuff happens, they run... more stuff happens... they run again... at this point, the staffers now know the general area where they will be staffing and have met the other two to three people on their staff (but they do not yet know their Center Director or their county).

MEANWHILE. Center Directors have hidden themselves in the woods. "Fake" Center Directors are hiding under blankets. The staffs, running slightly less fast than they were running before, now approach the circle of hooded figures, in anticipation of meeting their CD. Little do they know...

I was hiding under a blanket, pretending to be a CD. Behold my unveiling...

Immediately prior to the posing of this picture, I'm screaming "YAY YOU'RE MY STAFF AREN'T YOU EXCITED TO BE LIVING IN A VAN WITH ME THIS SUMMER AS FELLOW CHAPLAINS??? OMG YAY YAY YAY!!! GROUP PICTURE!!!

I love how everybody in this picture looks slightly confused... only Lorin (on the left) actually thought I was her CD.

Once I revealed that I was NOT their CD, we hid them under the blankets for the real CDs to unveil.

Lindsey Long and the Wolfe County Staff

Bryant Abel and the Harlan County Staff

(Lindsey and Bryant were on staff with me in Claiborne County in '08)

Steve Tomick and the Knott County Lotts Creek Staff (my homebase staff)

If you have read this far, then 1) I applaud your attention span/your lack of other important work to do, and 2) I offer you this disclaimer:

ASP is a Christian ministry: we accept people right where they are, just the way they are, but we usually have a little fun along the way.

At the end of the picnic, all the staffs go out together as one happy little staff family to get icecream and get to know each other. Meanwhile, the support staff, admin, and everybody else who was involved (but doesn't have a staff of their own) goes back to Jonesville to eat icecream in celebration of yet another picnic well done.

Stay tuned for another update soon...